Primal Male
by Foxyinthecity
Summary: An episode tag fic for Conversion. A little look and insight into John Sheppard as he loses control and how that affect the people around him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: I do not own any rights to Stargate Atlantis.

Episodes: Conversion

Spoilers: Yes.

Characters: John Sheppard & Teyla Emmagen

Summary: An episode tag.

Primal Male

He stood across the room from her feeling alive, his body strong and vital. In fact, he hasn't felt this strong in ages or if ever. His senses were on overdrive. He felt strong, powerful, he felt male. Then they touch their fighting sticks signaling the beginning of their sparring. Sticks begin colliding in mid air again and again.

"Clack, clack, clack…"

Their sparring was fast and feverous. She took the offense, charging at him, his sticks blocking her charging blows almost effortlessly, he counter her attack with one of his own, with a swing of his sticks. He took the offensive, but, she held her own, ducking as he nearly lands a good blow, the result having her staring hard at him, satisfaction flowing through him.

"Not bad, huh?"

"Yes, yes. You're doing very well."

He watches as she twirls one of her fighting stick as they circled each other. Before in this room, the sight of her with her fighting sticks meant he would he would taste and feel defeat. He could never best her not with the sticks. But, today he felt different. There was nothing he felt he couldn't do. Today will be the day he proves to her even with her fighting sticks she was no match for him. His body pulsing with the need to show her he was the stronger of the two them. His mind was blissful euphoric unaware of the changes taking hold of his body, the infection coursing through his veins.

"Clack, clack, clack…," as their sticks made contact again and again with each other.

Their sparring intensified. Now he was the one dictating the attack. Yet, she was still able to deflect his crushing blows. He watches as she again ducks from his counter offensive attack.

"You have been practicing."

"Not really."

He tosses one of his sticks aside, twirling the other in his hand while she was still holding her two sticks in her hands. The air brushes his overheated skin as she twirled her sticks in her hands, his skin heated from their sparring and from the infection that was now claiming and changing his body from within. The infection was striping away his usually human guarded emotions, his behavior becoming more feral. His focus was now intent on her, who body glistened with the evidence of their sparring. His mind unquestioning the silence need driving his actions.

They circled each other briefly, sizing each other up. He held up the remaining stick in his hand. He places his free hand behind his back. Their sticks met in their ritual dance once more. With the single stick in his hand, he was able to block her repeated blows.

"Clack, clack, clack…"

It doesn't slow him down a bit, as he spars with one hand literally behind his back, his breathing belie the exertion of his body. Yet, her, the woman of his determination continued to hold her own against his onslaught, grunting in her effort, until he executes a feint, which allow him to be able to maneuver her back up against the wall of the training room, pinning her there, with his stick pressing against her throat. He was losing fast that part of him that was governed by rational thoughts, his actions becoming primal as her almond eyes met his fierce glare a little nervously.

"You are showing ... a considerable leap in ability, Colonel Sheppard."

"You can call me John when we're off the clock."

Intently, he looks at her as he continues pressing her against the wall, unable to release her. Cage up desire erupting - desire no longer being kept at bay by human's uncertainty.

"Very well ... John."

"There you go."

He grins slightly at her words, delighting of her acquiescing to his puny command. He keeps staring at her, not releasing her from against the wall. Her calm demeanor does not alert him of his unusual behavior. Her voice trails off uneasily.

"Should we continue, or do you…"

His emotions were not habit. They were no longer habited by their usually reserved. He drops his stick on the floor, cupping her face with both of his hands, pulling her into his embrace, his lips descending, capturing her lips, fervid.

It takes a few seconds before she breaks the hold he has on her. His breathing was labor; he sees that hers was too, and he sees her stun face, unsure, realization dawn, his mind and body that was lost to their primal desires gaining some of their former selves.

"I'm not really sure just what happened."

The unknown changes in his body, feral in nature, that had provided his body with its new strength and abilities, had also freed him of the barriers he had put on his emotions. and desires.

"Colonel ..."

"That was interesting!"

TBC?


	2. Chapter 2

Guys, thanks for your comments. This scene has been a challenge especially since I am aware of some people's opinions of it. Opinions that I don't share. Although that kiss may have been a surprise to Teyla and almost force, her eyes closed, so at some point she accepted that kiss. So this is the perspective I wrote this chapter. I hope you guys like it. I will have the opportunity to ask Rachel about this particular scene soon I hope.

Chapter 2

To Teyla being pinned against the wall by Colonel Sheppard, his fighting stick pressing across her neck and throat was a bit disconcerting. She felt no fear; she was however, stunned by Colonel Sheppard's actions and suspect behavior. Colonel Sheppard was not behaving like himself. His fighting ability had seems to increase and now rival her own abilities - their sparring up and until this moment had been fast pace and feverous. Perplexing her mind of his new found abilities while her own body had heated and exerted itself as they had sparred and his body didn't seem to reflect any of the signs of that exertion. With each blow, their sparring had intensified. Colonel Sheppard's determination had increased to push their sparring to an intensity that has never been match between them before. Trying to look at Colonel Sheppard, who she thought she knew fairly well, yet he seems so foreign to her now.

---

Recalling the events that led up to this very moment, this moment of uncertainty, she and Colonel Sheppard had gathered in the training room for one of their sparring session. They stood in this very room facing each other, her arms uncrossing, their fighting sticks touching, signaling the beginning of their sparring. Their fighting sticks began colliding in mid air striking one another again and again, each blow a little bit stronger than the one before it.

"Clack, clack, clack…"

Their sparring was fast and feverous. She had took the offense, charging at Colonel Sheppard, his fighting sticks blocking her charging blows almost effortlessly, he counter her attack with one of his own, with a swing of his sticks. He took the offensive, but, she had held her own, ducking as he nearly landed a good blow, the result had her staring hard at him, surprise by his ability, curiosity taking hold.

"Not bad, huh?"

"Yes, yes. You're doing very well."

She had watched him as he watched her, twirling one of her fighting stick as they circled each other as questions about Colonel Sheppard's new found fighting abilities seem to be taking hold of her thoughts.

"Clack, clack, clack…," as their sticks made contact again and again with each other.

Their sparring intensified. Now Colonel Sheppard was the one dictating the contact. She was able to deflect his crushing blows; ducking from one of his counter offensive attacks. Her thoughts surmising that somehow Colonel Sheppard had to have been practicing. Because of the skills he was now exhibiting.

"You have been practicing?"

"Not really."

She wasn't sure what to make of his answer. But she didn't have time to assimilate Colonel Sheppard's response with his actions. Watching as he threw down one of his fighting sticks to the floor, twirling the other in his hand as he paced around the room for a moment before he turned to look at her while her own fighting sticks were still held firmly in her grasp.

It was as if she and Colonel Sheppard were in a standoff. They circled each other briefly, sizing each other up, instinctively twirling the sticks she held firmly in her hands. She watches as Colonel Sheppard held up his remaining fighting stick in his hand then placing his free hand behind his back. She didn't know what to make of his new stance there wasn't really any time to think as their sticks now met in their ritual sparring dance once more. With the single fighting stick in his hand, Colonel Sheppard was able to block her repeated offensive blows.

"Clack, clack, clack…"

It doesn't slow down Colonel Sheppard a bit, as he sparred with one hand quite literally behind his back, his breathing in opposite chorus of the exertion of his body while her own breathing becoming labor with the fierce dual of their sparring. With his one fighting stick in his hand, the Colonel was able to take control, he began dictating the action. His lips pursed with his determination. He had executed several moves that had put her on the defensive; but her years of training giving her the guile to escape the onslaught of his blows, although she was grunting in her effort to do so.

Then suddenly, surprising her, he had executed a feint which allowed him to be able to maneuver her back up against the wall of the training room, pinning her there, with his fighting stick pressing against her throat. There was not that much force to his pinning of her. Although, her body was somewhat spent from their feverous sparring, her instincts were telling her that something was going on with the Colonel. That something, she wasn't certain of. But because of that uncertainty, she held back allowing Colonel Sheppard to keep her pin against the wall; as she now tries to gage the situation and maybe some insight into Colonel Sheppard's strange behavior.

---

"You are showing ... a considerable leap in ability, Colonel Sheppard."

"You can call me John when we're off the clock."

Teyla could see the intensity in Colonel Sheppard's glaze, a determination in his stare as he held her pinned against the wall, a gleam of satisfaction in their depths - his steely glaze burning her with his intensity. She wasn't sure what to make of his request, it was not that his request was irrational, but Colonel Sheppard's behavior was already becoming more highly suspect and unexplainable to her, deciding that the best course of action was to appease him for the moment until she could get a full grasp of the situation; the arching of her eyebrow evidencing her inner confusion.

"Very well ... John."

"There you go."

She watches as Colonel Sheppard grins at her. It was a grin that brought no surety to her, only adding to her confusion.

So she questions Colonel Sheppard gingerly, "Should we continue, or do you…"

Stunning her with his swiftness, Colonel Sheppard drops his fighting stick on the floor, then cupping her face with both of his hands, he pulls her into his embrace, his lips swooping down, capturing her lips, fervid. Her eyes closing as his lips claim her own. His kiss was not a kiss of subtlety. It was raw, _ravenous_. For a brief moment, she loses herself to it, to the moment, to her own desires, but rational thoughts prevail as Colonel Sheppard's kiss ravishes her mouth, no longer were her hands on his chest, her arms and hands had went up in between his arms, her hands and fingers so closely to her face, as she tries to put some distance between them. It took her a few seconds before she could break free of the hold he has on her, or for Colonel Sheppard to release her.

She was breathless. She was awash by confusion - so awash with that confusion that she didn't see Colonel Sheppard struggling with his own confusion of the kiss that had just taken place and his actions in initiating it with what can be somehow described as some kind of scowl on his face. Her eyes finding solace in their downward glance as she held unto the wall for support. For that kiss had given presence to an attraction; an attraction she had long seem to had ignored or even acknowledged.

"I'm not really sure just what happened."

She heard Colonel Sheppard confesses to her. Her heart was still racing. She looks up at the Colonel reservedly. She could see that his breathing was labor; as was like her own, _breathlessly_. She wasn't sure what happened either. She still found it difficult to look at him. Shaking her as she tries to gather her thoughts and emotions; trying to find the right words to say to him.

"Colonel ..."

"That was interesting!"

Before she could comment, she hears Dr. Beckett's voice over the city's radio, breaking through the world she and Colonel Sheppard found themselves in. Theirs was a world clouded by emotions within which both her and the Colonel seems stun, unsure, guarded, an atmosphere filled with tension tainted by sexual awareness.

"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the infirmary!"

Outwardly she seems pensive; inwardly she was still stun, struggling to understand.

"You ok?"

She tries to smile, but her breathing was not quite normal yet. She was able to a reply, but it would be a reply not truly answering the question he just asked of her.

"Doctor Beckett will be expecting you."

"Yeah."

She watches as he hesitates. It's clear to her that he wants to stay and sort this out, but it's equally clear to the both of them there might be some urgency to that conversation Dr. Beckett wants to have with him, and so they both know he has to leave and so he leaves seemingly reluctantly. As he departs the room, she is still propped against the wall, letting out a sigh as the he exits the training room, leaving with him her pretense of being in control, her mouth now gasping as she tries to make sense of what just happen.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

This story has taken on a life of its own. My first thought was to make this story a OneShot, I knew I was trying to write and tell it from a unique perspective. Now because of a couple friends' comments and comments by you guys, it has inspire me to take on Sheppard's journey. So guys thanks for your reveiws and comments they do inspire.

Chapter 3

The unknown changes in his body, feral in nature, that had provided his body with its new strength and abilities, had also freed him of the barriers he had put on his emotions and desires.

In John's mind he tries to process what just happened, breathing heavily from the kiss he and Teyla had just shared. And he is more than a little stun by his actions. His mind and body were not in unison. So while his mind sought comprehension, there was a part of him that was still in enthralled by those emotions and desires. He didn't know what possessed him to kiss Teyla like that.

The attraction he felt for Teyla was always real, but he had never allowed himself to act on those emotions or desires, or to really to think about them too much preferring to be contented with the friendship him and her had shared up to now. And the occasional moments of stolen glances and those rare occasional moments when he could feel the softness of her skin on his own, usually when they were sparring would be the times he wished for more. It was in those moments he would question his self preservation, not to muddle the waters between him and Teyla, but it not like Teyla gave him any signs or encouragement along those lines either, and his deep seated fear he may screw up their friendship and ruin his team (one of the best) if he tried, held him at bay. When he finally look at Teyla, as he tries to me sense of what happen.

"I'm not really sure just what happened."

He looks away again from her still trying to process what happened. He does not see Teyla own struggle with what occurred between them for the moment.

"Colonel ..."

He looks up at her.

"That was interesting!"

"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the infirmary!"

Dr. Beckett's voice booms over the city's radio interrupting what either he or Teyla may have wanted to say to one another in that moment. His eyes are fully on Teyla now. His mind had cleared somewhat, feeling a little more like his usual self. He sees the way Teyla is clinging to the wall behind her. She seems vulnerable or afraid. Although, _vulnerable or being afraid_ wouldn't be a words he would normally use to describe Teyla, but it is clear to him that something was wrong.

"You ok?"

Teyla tries to smile or was that a sigh, he wasn't too sure, but her breathing was not quite normal yet, but it was something in her stance. And the way she avoids looking at him in his face and eyes, is the most telling.

"Doctor Beckett will be expecting you."

He softly looks her over, eyes swiftly traveling downward and then upward.

"Yeah."

He stares at her for a moment, a part of him seems to hesitate, wanting to stay, noting Teyla's guarded expression but he knows he can not stay, so he leaves. And on that walk to the infirmary he sought answers for his actions, plagued by what ifs as he was still oblivious of the infection running through his vein, altering and changing his DNA.

---

John now finds himself sitting on an exam table in the infirmary with Dr. Weir, Elizabeth standing beside him while Dr. Beckett, Carson is talking.

"The good news is, we can now say with some certainty that Ellia didn't drain away any of your life."

Then the Doc sat in the chair facing him and Elizabeth and the computer screen. His annoyance of this impromptu meeting was getting the better of him.

"We already knew that."

"I suppose."

"That's the best good news you could come up with?"

Dr. Beckett looks a little uncomfortable to him.

"It looks like you've been infected with the iratus bug retrovirus. The one we were working on to turn Ellia into a human."

"You mean the one that _didn't_ turn her into a human."

"Ellia administered the treatment prematurely. It wasn't ready, it wasn't even supposed to be ..."

He could hear the defensiveness in the Doc's voice, he interrupts him, "I'm not blaming you, Doc."

"But you're right. The transformation was into a creature closer to the iratus bug than to a human, and I know how much you ..."

He grimaces, "Hate those bugs."

Dr. Beckett recalling all too well the Colonel's previous encounter with the iratus bug, sighs, "Yes."

"But, for one ... Ellia was a Wraith. And she took a massive dose of the retrovirus. I mean, do we know how the Colonel's system might respond to the drug?" Elizabeth questions Dr. Beckett.

"I have no idea. It was never engineered to be given to a human. It was never intended ..."

He watches, listening to the exchange of words between the Doc and Elizabeth, his own tone, rising, after all he is in the room and this particular conversation was about him "Doc ..."

"to be given to anyone!"

"Let it go." He offers.

"The problem is I have no idea how your body will react! I can't even begin to guess."

Contemplating, he tries to process the limited information he heard so far, "Well, if how I feel is any indication? I'm fine."

"It's certainly possible that it's already breakin' down in your system. Ellia's transformation _was_ extreme, and immediate."

He looks at Elizabeth. Elizabeth who was clearly looking concern, "See?"

Dr. Beckett was clearly worried as well too, "But the wound on your arm healed unnaturally fast!"

"If there _was_ a wound."

He was in denial except he didn't know he was in denial. There was no wound of any part of his skin. He felt fine. And he really did want to the leave infirmary. The talk of bugs was making his skin crawled. He really did hate those things, having almost dieing from one of those things attaching itself oh his neck a few months back. He still had the occasional nightmare.

"There had to be! Otherwise, I don't see how you got infected in the first place!"

"She was spitting an awful lot!"

Dr. Beckett looks at him incredulously and worried.

"So what, we just monitor it for now," asks Elizabeth.

"Aye. (Dr. Beckett to John) You'll need to check in every six hours."

Reluctantly he agrees, "I can do that." Although to him he doesn't see the need for it. He felt fine.

"And you should probably ..."

He hears what Elizabeth began to say. It was apparent that both Elizabeth and Doc were concern. He just didn't share their concern. He felt fine. But knowing Elizabeth has he do, "... suspend my off-world activities until we know more?"

Elizabeth with a gracious nod, "Thank you."

See Elizabeth wasn't so hard to read. So he could leave. He could leave the feeling of being under a microscope. He hops off the exam table, feeling strong, feeling vital, and wanting to leave the infirmary in the worst kind of way. Saying to Dr. Beckett, "See ya in six hours!"

Dr. Beckett nods as he haste out of the infirmary, slapping the doctor on the back as he goes. John is unaware of the stares fill with worry that both Dr. Beckett and Dr. Weir have as they watch him depart.

---

John enters his quarters, stripping off his uniform jacket as he enters. Sitting down on the bed, he reaches back with his left arm to remove his T-shirt and freezes, staring at the inside of his right forearm where it is resting in his lap. There's a pale, scaly patch of skin surrounded by the same bruise coloration, the location in the same place where Ellia's transformed claw-hand had in deed pierced his skin.

But it was a wound he had shrugged off, really never believing occurred, preferring to believe that the Doc and Elizabeth were being worry warts. With him staring at his arm, so came the realization. The coloration with the scaly patch of skin surrounding it wasn't at all painful so maybe that why he hadn't noticed it until now. He still felt no pain or discomfort from it, but now concern ran through him like a lit fuse. He prods at it hesitantly then reaches for his radio earpiece. The sound from his radio has a bit of static at first.

"Hey, Doc? This is Sheppard."

"Yes, Colonel?"

"We may have to bump up our first check-in."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for reviewing. For this chapter I added a scene or two. So let me know what you think.

Chapter 4

Teyla slid slowly into the lukewarm soapy water, several lit scented candles surrounding the tub in her bathroom, small plumes from the candles filling the air, the sweet scent of floral filling her nostrils. She breathes in. Since returning to her quarters from the training room her emotions have been tethering on the edge. Her subconscious mind in a state of rewind as it continues to replay the earlier kissing incident with Colonel Sheppard. Forgoing her usually ritual of meditating before her bath because she knows what visions will occupy her thoughts. She lowers herself completely, submerging in the lukewarm water, feeling the warmth of the water touching skin. She places her head back resting it on the inner edge of the tub, closing her eyes, as water envelopes her, soothing her throbbing limbs while her thoughts still lace with confusion sought some understanding.

It was clear to her that the Colonel's behavior was not that of his own. _How could it be?_ The skills he displayed during their sparring session, then the subsequently kiss he had initiated between them, and then Dr. Beckett subsequently request for the Colonel Sheppard come to the infirmary, had warranted these thoughts. Back in the training room, she didn't know how long she stayed clutching the wall behind her, Colonel Sheppard having departed the training room to go see Dr. Beckett. She had been relieved to see the departing back of the Colonel. To be alone so she could put her thoughts together. She had radioed Ronon upon her departure from the training room to inquire whether he thought Colonel Sheppard's behavior was that of her own. Ronon accounting of his and the Colonel usual routine run on one of the metallic catwalks in the East Tower had cemented her suspicions. Although, Ronon and the Colonel tend to be competitive when it comes to these things or activities of this nature, the Colonel is hardly ever the victor.

She lies languidly in the water, her mind so preoccupy, she does not notice the slight cooling of the water. She knows that something is wrong with Colonel Sheppard. The cause of his strange behavior was still a mystery to her and even suspecting that something was indeed wrong with Sheppard Colonel which would account for his strange behavior that didn't alleviate her concerns about what happen or her own reactions concerning the kiss. The kiss was unexpected that's a given, but it was also raw, devoid of subtlety, passionate in its intensity. And for a brief moment, she had succumbed to it all until her internal defenses told something wasn't right. And although, the Colonel had appeared shock and confused as well by his own behavior, the fact remains he had kissed her and prior to that he had requested that she called him John when they are off the clock.

She was initially surprise by his request. It is the way of her people to respect the title that is bestowed or earned by the person who wears that title. But most importantly, it is Colonel Sheppard's own people need for these titles and their meaning of importance that she had continued to call him Colonel instead John. Here on Atlantis, everyone seems to have a title besides their given name of birth. Even Rodney is often called Dr. McKay by many here. So she thought it prudence to follow some of their customs and ways since she was now living among them even though at times she found some of those ways confusing and , no matter that she thought of Colonel Sheppard as one of her truest allies and one of her closest friends if not her closest friend here on Atlantis. She had thought it wise to adapt to their customary ways when ever possible. And there had seemed to be a mutual acceptance of that between them.

She moves her shoulders, turning face in the opposite direction from it's previously perch on the edge of the tub, her eyes suddenly opening.

Maybe, what ever is wrong with the Colonel, Dr. Beckett will have some explanations, explanations to explain the Colonel's sudden physical prowess. But would that explain the kiss too? What would be the explanations for the kiss, and, and her momentarily acceptance of it and still lingering feelings toward it. She knows deep within her mind and the heart she is trying to protect that it can not be easily define. Will the Colonel tries to seek her presence to speak to her once he is finish with Dr. Beckett. She knows not. She knows they will have to eventually discuss it, a certainty at the very least. Yet, she is uncertain of what to say or what to feel, or how the Colonel, himself is feeling about it as well. Judging by his shock expression, it wasn't something he had initially planned to do. _So why did it?_ She sighs, signs of her confusion, and of her own frustrations with that confusion.

---

John found himself again lying in the infirmary, being scanned. Dr. Beckett in a lab coat and there was another guy in an Atlantis science uniform, watching and looking concerned. The Doc turning and walking toward Dr. Weir, Dr. Weir who is gnawing a thumbnail over by the wall feet away. Dr. Weir stops as Dr. Beckett approaches and tries to look prepared to hear anything. So he is left alone to think, if you can call it being alone. Dr. Weir and Dr. Beckett's whole conversation takes place in fairly low voices, out of John's hearing.

Dr. Beckett, very softly "The retrovirus isn't breaking down in his system like we hoped it would."

"You're positive?"

'Yes. In fact, it's beginning to alter his D.N.A. If this is allowed to continue, he'll devolve into a creature similar to what Ellia became." Moving to sit at his desk as Weir lets out a worried breath then she turns to him.

"How long do we have?

"I'm not sure exactly."

"Ballpark! Months, weeks?" Weir asks sharply, her voice still low.

"We have days."

Weir leans over Carson's desk, looking at him intently. "Ok, what's the plan?"

"I've injected him with a viral inhibitor. It should slow down the retrovirus as far as his cognitive abilities are concerned, but I'm afraid that's it so far. We're exploring various treatments that may or may not be effective, so ..."

Shaking her head vehemently, "No, Carson, we don't have any time to explore. (She gestures toward his computer) C'mon, there's gotta be something in the Ancient database that can help you find a treatment!"

"I know that, Elizabeth. We're doing our best!"

Weir stands up, looking away uncomfortably. "I'm sorry, I know. Of course you are."

John is still on the exam bed, staring fixedly at the ceiling, looking grim. He knows something is going on inside of him. He can now feel the subtle changes occurring in his body. His senses are heighten, attune to his surroundings. He knows that Elizabeth and the Doc are talking about him. He can hear the sounds of their voices if he can't make out all the words they are saying clearly.

Dr. Beckett tries prodding Dr. Weir. "You should talk to him. He's hiding it very well, but if I was him? I'd be scared to death."

Dr. Weir and Dr. Beckett are both wishing other, to be the one to have that conversation with John. From his bed, John took this moment to sits up on the bed and looks toward them with predatory speed.

"How I'm I doing?"

Dr. Weir looks at Dr. Beckett with desperation, Dr. Beckett nods at her. She goes over to the bed John is lying on. John looks her up and down, then frowns.

"Anything that has you speechless has me concerned."

With a not-quite-smile, "You're gonna be fine."

"That's dead man talk."

"No, it isn't."

John turns up his right arm, showing the scaly patch has grown a bit and changed to an icky shiny, carbuncle-looking kind of discoloration, skin. "Have you _seen_ this?"

"Beckett is gonna figure this one out."

"I think I already have. You know who I'm starting to feel like? (pausing) _Ford_."

"Now what is happening to you is _completely_ different."

"I know, I know. Still, I can feel it. I mean, I can feel it changing me inside ... like he did."

"I don't think that's even possible. Look, you're very worried ..."

'No, no. No, it's ... .uh ... (pausing as he tries to find the comparison) One of the best weeks of my life was when I got my wisdom tooth out. I was on codeine for a full seven days. This is kinda the same. I know I should be in _pain_, or at the very least freaked out by this, but hey! I'm not ... and that freaks me out more than anything."

"We're gonna beat this." Elizabeth tries to reassure him, as she shifted her feet.

"'We're gonna beat this.' 'Beckett will figure this _out._' 'You're gonna be _fine._' You know you really suck at the whole bedside manner thing." Seriously, who she is trying to kid here he thought? He is a soldier. And one of thing in being a solider is assessing the situation. And his assessment of the situation is that he is royally screwed.

"I know, I'm sorry." Weir looks away in embarrassment.

"But I appreciate the effort."

---

Teyla holding the comb in her hand combs through her hair absently as she sits on her bed in her quarters, her bath was placidity to her body, her emotions however, a prism of contradictions. Dr. Weir's voice over the city's radio summoning her along with Ronon and Rodney to her office brought some focus to her.

---

The coloration with the scaly patch of skin is now no longer just prevalent on his arm alone. He gazes at his face in the mirror, turning his head, the right of his body starting to bear witness of his transformation into the creature he is rapidly becoming, his right hand, no longer that of a human hand, but with the look and shape of a claw.

To John, it was like staring down the barrel of a gun except it wasn't a bullet he was facing or death for that matter. He will just cease to be the man he is now and the thought scared him more than he cares to admit to anyone. As a solider he knows death, he expects it. He had always hope, that his death would be a time of his choosing. He wants his death to mean something. Not sitting in his quarters, on his bed, or the infirmary, feeling more alive in ways he has never felt before, yet losing the thing that makes him human, he is becoming a primal male. He is not use to this type of existence. They expect him to do nothing, but just wait while the people that he cared about put their lives on the line for him, to save him. He has never been about nothing and he doesn't want to start now.

----

He is confine to his quarters, a confinement of his choosing. He knows that the infirmary isn't secure for him anymore. The inhibitor is only keeping him lucid, but it's not slowing the retrovirus. So he sits and sits, in his dimly lit room, no longer caring to see the visual ravages being done to his human form while his mind is waging a war against itself, his humanity slowly being stripe away from him. He could feel the darkness all around him, closing in. It's present becoming more and more pronounced, gaining shape, a creature, a creature that is gaining in form and intensity. He is under siege.

He wants more guards posted on the other side of the doors to his quarters. The guards are his men. Men, he cans no longer lead as their commanding officer. He is not fit to be their leader. He is a liability.

---

"At least two men, stationed at my door, sooner rather than later."

"Now, what are you talking about?"

"Just trust me, Elizabeth. You're going to need it."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

I am nearing the end of this tag fic. I want to thank you guys who have taken the time to review.

Chapter 5

John is in the corridor, his emotions in turmoil, his anger seething. He is tired of sitting still while his body is rapidly turning, turning him into some creature while he is losing humanity, while his recollection of people, the people he cares about and feel responsible for diminishes, fades into shadows. He walks towards a transporter. As the door opens, a scientist in a white coat is inside. Grabbing the scientist, he throws him out of the transporter then goes inside.

---

Meanwhile back in the Control Room, Colonel Caldwell and Rodney watch as the red signal jumps from one part of the base to another.

"I thought you said that he couldn't use the transporters"

"I said I doubted he was lucid enough."

"Shut them down. He's not doing it again."

"Thus stranding your search teams?"

Rodney does follows the order.

---

Teyla, Ronon and a group of Marines are searching the city. Ronon suddenly breaks off and heads in a different direction.

Teyla questions, "Ronon, where are you going?"

"Let him go," a marine quips.

Teyla and the marines then head off down the stairs. Back in the Control Room, Rodney watches as their signals get very close to John's.

"Bravo Team and Sheppard are in the same room."

Colonel Caldwell into comms, "Stay sharp. He should be right in there with you."

The team looks around cautiously. It's a very high-ceilinged room with a glass wall on one side. Somewhere nearby, Ronon wanders around with a look on his face that suggests that his heighten senses are working overtime. Ronon moves along the corridor and takes cover around a corner. Back in the room, the team continues to search.

"Anyone have a visual?" One of the marines asks.

Over Teyla's shoulder, on the tall glass wall, John is climbing up the wall. Teyla turns and spots him, shining the light from her rifle on him.

"Above us!"

John moves at lightning speed up the wall and disappears from view. As the team looks around for him, he suddenly drops from the ceiling and lands in the middle of the group. Before they can react, he slams his arms out and backhands the two nearest Marines to the ground. The other two Marines both fire their Wraith stunners at him, hitting him smack in the chest, but the blasts have no effect. They drop their stunners and reach for their pistols. With a single, super-human bound, John throws himself towards them and smashes them to the floor. As he heads for the stairs, Teyla runs up behind him, aiming her P90 at him.

"Colonel!"

John stops, turns and starts to walk back down the stairs towards her. She holds her rifle on him, pleading with him. There is still something human in John as Teyla holds the gun on him. There was a struggle within him. Yet there is recognition within him.

"Please – do _not_ make me do this."

John continues to walk menacingly towards her. Teyla is unsure. Facing the possibility of hurting the Colonel, her face full of anguish, she fires a single shot at his feet but he doesn't stop. She switches to rapid fire and sends a hail of bullets into the ground by his feet. John turns and races up the stairs with Teyla closely following pursuit. As John reaches the top of the stairs and runs along the corridor, he is hit in the back by two rapid shots from Ronon's gun. John crashes to the floor.

---

In the Infirmary, John is lying on a bed, his left hand is withered and ridged and very Wraith-like in appearance. His hand is held in restraints.

"I put him in a medically-induced coma for now. I was afraid he might break through the restraints."

"That's a good call Doctor."

"So, what now?"

"The retrovirus has wreaked havoc on his system and it's taking over."

"What does that _mean_," Dr. Weir questions.

"It means if we don't find a way to stop the retrovirus in the next twenty-four hours, what's left of the John Sheppard we know will be gone."

---

In the commissary, Rodney and Teyla are sitting at a table while Ronon leans on a balcony just next to the table. Dr. Weir comes in and goes over to them.

"You guys are up late."

"Can't you sleep either?"

Teyla to Dr. Weir, "Any progress?"

"No, he's still in a coma. At least he isn't in any pain."

"Maybe if I went alone, maybe ..."

"It's not open for discussion."

Ronon said to Dr. Weir, "I'm not good at sitting still."

"I understand. Believe me, I appreciate how you feel. (Dr. Weir looks at Ronon for a moment then addresses the whole team.) "Look, we have closed down that section of the Infirmary but if you feel the need to ... (She pauses for a long time. Teyla and Rodney realizing the significant of what she means, look down.) What I mean to say is, if you would like ... to have a private goodbye, you should probably do it soon."

For Teyla, it was a devastating blow, an unimaginable loss; already dealing with how close she came to having to shoot the Colonel.

Rodney looks at Dr. Weir with dread.

"Are we really there?"

"I think we might be."

Dr. Beckett's voice suddenly came over comms, "Doctor Weir, I need to speak to you immediately."

"What is it?"

"Meet me in your office. I think I have an idea."

Weir looks at the team hopefully then starts to head off, with Teyla, Rodney and Ronon deciding to follow her.

---

Offworld, the team has reached the mouth of the cave. John stops and stares into the cave, pulling his hood back, it is face that it not is own. Dr. Beckett hands him one of the egg-collecting sticks and a large plastic bottle with a lid on the top.

"Use this and collect as many as you can. (John stares at him blankly.) Oh, God! At least a container full, do you understand?"

John looks at him briefly, then takes the stick and the bottle and starts to head into the cave. Teyla stops him.

"Colonel Sheppard? You know that we cannot go in there with you, but you need to hurry. It took us a little longer to get here than we would have liked." Teyla advises John - her concerns were evidence on her face.

John looks at her a moment then pushes past her and enters the cave as the others watch him go, looking concerned.

John walks inside the cave where the bugs are. He stops and looks at them for a moment, then takes his cloak off. He is wearing his normal offworld gear underneath. He pulls out a flare, ignites it and throws it into the dark cave. The bugs react angrily, chirping loudly, but they don't attack him. He walks carefully into the cavern and approaches the nearest egg sac and looks up at it. He takes the plastic bottle, twisting off the top and puts the top inside his jacket, then squats before jumping. Jumping an enormous distance into the air, he lands on the sac that seems to be the center of the nest for the bugs. Hanging on with one hand, he plunges the other hand, still holding the bottle, into the sac.

On the outside of the cave, Dr. Beckett's watch beeps.

"What is that," inquires Rodney.

"That's how long I estimated the inhibitor would work."

Ronon starts to question, "So that means he's ..."

'There's no way to know for certain."

Inside the cave, John pulls the bottle out of the sac and drops to the floor. He looks down to the bottle, which is full to the brim with the slimy gooey substance from the sac, and carefully puts the top back onto it. Just as he finishes, the inhibitor wears off and he falls to the ground, grunting and writhing in pain.

Outside the cave, the others are starting to wonders whether John is human enough to make it back out of the cave. Or as he lost his battle between his humanity or being primal.

Ronon announces, "We should go in."

"And do _what_," Rodney inquires.

"If the inhibitor has worn off ..."

Dr. Beckett supplies "... then he's beyond our help."

Ronon turns towards the cave, drawing his gun. "I hear something."

Teyla and Rodney also raise their weapons and aim them at the cave entrance as they hear the sound. John's form comes into view.

"Colonel," Teyla shouts.

John is running from cave, he runs through Ronon, shoving him to the ground and continues to run, but Fonon twists on the ground and fires his gun into John's back. John drops to the ground, unconscious. Dr. Beckett runs over and grabs the bottle, twisting the top off to look inside.

"Do you have enough," Teyla asks anxiously.

"Aye, I think so."

Dr. Beckett races off. Ronon hauling John up and slings him over his shoulder, the team rushes off quickly for the Stargate.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Guys, I really wanted to thank you for your reviews and comments. I pretty much wrote most of this chapter some time ago, but I got to say Teyla's actions had me really thinking. I think I actually understand it now given the little we were given by the TPTB and considering I am speculating too. I don't know if I am truly happy with it. But, I am trying to get back to writing. RL got a a little crazy there. And it seems as if I couldn't find my inspiration to write, not so much the inspiration for JT, but the inspiration to write altogether. So I hope I have done that scene some justice.

Chapter 6

In the Infirmary, Dr. Beckett comes out from a screened-off area. Dr. Weir, Colonel Caldwell and John's team mates are waiting anxiously for news on him.

Dr. Beckett to crowd, "It's not gonna happen overnight… you can bet on that, but the transformation has begun to reverse itself."

Colonel Caldwell, "So eventually he'll be back in uniform?"

"Eventually."

" Well done, Carson, for once again elevating medicine to actual science."

"Well, thank you, Rodney?!"

"We'll all finally be able to get some sleep. (Dr. Weir looking to Dr. Beckett) Keep me posted."

"Aye."

Dr. Weir leaves the room and Colonel Caldwell follows her, however Teyla, Rodney and Ronon stay.

Ronon, "We might, uh ..."

"... stay a while," Teyla finishes.

"Well, if that's alright."

Dr. Beckett, "Of course."

Dr. Beckett walks away from them. The team looks through the gap in the screens at John lying unconscious in bed. Teyla and her other two team mates didn't want to leave the infirmary just yet. Although, Dr. Beckett advised them that Colonel Sheppard's recovery would be slow, it felt comforting to be with her other two teammates and with each other. She founded with the other two men there was no need for pretense, they shared the same concerns and feelings for Colonel Sheppard. So as she sat with Rodney and Ronon, they began to talk about the mundane things and of Colonel Sheppard, some retelling of incidents, stories, or moments past, bringing smiles to their faces, a light heartiness to the room that had been missing. To Teyla in this room, these were the people she spent the most time with, in many ways, her family away from her people. She liked the feeling of being with them and she didn't want to lose that.

----

Teyla's eyes flutter opened, in their depths a kind of fear. Light perspiration marred her face, awakening from another nightmare. In her dreams, the last couple of night, Colonel Sheppard had still taken prominent in them, but, it was the Colonel Sheppard, who eyes were of a yellowish hue, un-human, menacing as they approached her.

Her eyes blinking as they adjust to semi darkness of her room, her breathing was slightly uneven. She continues lying in the comfort of her bed, trying to gather herself, it was just a dream she told herself. Colonel Sheppard would be fine and his condition was improving. The anxiety of what happened to Colonel Sheppard should eventually lessen in the coming days as his condition improves. The memories were still fresh for everyone - there was the still constant speculation about the Colonel's condition with everyone. Her own memories were still fresh.

Her mind quickly took to her back to the events of the last few days. Her thoughts, giving rise, to those unresolved feelings within her like her fear of having to shoot Colonel Sheppard. In his eyes, saw the animal he was becoming, yet in their depth she saw the human man too, struggling. She had felt his humanity. It was with great difficulty she had fired those shots, taking care to shoot at his feet. He could have attack her as he did the other marines, but he hadn't. She believed now a part of him may have recognized her. He may not have been Colonel Sheppard to their eyes, but he was still in the ways that matter most and she couldn't willingly harm him.

---

It has been a few days. The Colonel Sheppard was still in the Infirmary. His condition had vastly improved. And with the need for her and her teammates to be at the Colonel Sheppard's bedside, no longer required constantly. Life on Atlantis was becoming some semblance of normalcy. Teyla enters into the training room, for the first time since the incident with Colonel Sheppard. The flood of memories of that moment starts to come over her. She had put that incident out of her mind when Colonel Sheppard's life was in jeopardy. Now, with some days to think about it, she has made a decision about that incident and about her and the Colonel's relationship as friends and team mates.

----

Some days later, in the gym, Teyla is training a young Athosian woman in hand to hand combat.

"Good. Lift, lock, serpentine, lock, and hold. (Teyla has the arm of a young Athosian's woman. The woman's arm gently twisted behind her back and her arm around the girl's neck from behind.) Understood?"

The young Athosian woman nods, the door to the gym opens and in walks John, dressed casually.

"Colonel!"

Teyla releases the young Athosian woman, she walks round to face the young Athosian woman, putting her hands on the woman's shoulders and they both touch their heads together. The young woman leaves and Teyla turns to John.

"Should you be up and about?"

"Well, I've been cooped up in that damned Infirmary for a couple of weeks. Give me a break."

John walks over to the window's seat and picks up a couple of fighting sticks and twirls them around.

"You are looking well. Are you feeling more like yourself?"

"Well, according to my D.N.A., I'm a hundred percent John Sheppard again ... although, I gotta say, I'm looking forward to getting rid of this thing one day."

With this John holds out his right arm towards her. The area where he was clawed by Ellia is still a pale blue and the skin showing a slight marking.

"Doc says it'll clear up eventually. John looks at Teyla for a moment, looking awkwardly.) Ah, so listen. While I've been lying there the past few weeks, I've been remembering things. (Teyla smiles uncomfortably.) Some things I might have done that you could call out of character."

"You mean when you attacked the security detail."

John found himself smiling, smiling at Teyla deliberate attempt at misunderstanding.

"Yeah, that was one of them."

Teyla, smiling too, "Yes."

John avoids looking at Teyla in her eyes, finding what he had to say next awkward, "There's another thing I should probably apologize for."

"Give it no further thought."

John looks at Teyla. He wasn't exactly expecting that response from her.

"Good! I won't." Knowing the seconds, the words left his lips, that the words weren't exactly truthful.

"Nice to have you back ... (Teyla turns away from him, then grins and turns back to look at him again) ... John."

John nods at Teyla then she turns and walks away, blowing out a relieved sigh unseen to him. John was a bit perplexed, his eyes looking downward finding the marble floor beneath him. Of all the scenarios he had thought about, none of them played out like. John looks up at the door of the training room. Teyla had already exited the room, the door already closing between them.

While recovering in the infirmary for the past two weeks, what happened between him and Teyla had taken a kind of precedent in his mind above all things he may have done while he was turning into an iratus bug. It was not like he had planned and intended to kiss Teyla in the training room. But he did kiss her. He didn't know what he expected Teyla to say to him about the kiss. He just expected more than this. Not that he expected her to yell at him or anything like that. Or that he thought she would want to kick his butt because she could have done that when they were in the training room. But he had this weird strange feeling of disappointment. It was not like he had wanted to talk to Teyla in depth about the kiss anyway, far from it. For him, talking about his emotions, feelings, of any kind didn't come easy to him and him talking about the kiss to Teyla wasn't exactly a discussion he really wanted to have.

But, in the infirmary the last couple of weeks, he had wondered many things. He had wondered that somehow he may have damaged his relationship with her. He had wondered what her thoughts were regarding what happened between them. Cause Teyla was important to him. She was an important member of his team. His team was the closest thing to his family. He didn't want anything to change that. So he figure, he would clear the air between them. He would apologize for his our of character's behavior. He wasn't quite himself when he kissed her, even if wasn't like he hadn't thought about kissing her before.

But just not in the way it happened, no definitely not that way. So that what had led him to seek her out after being released by Dr. Beckett. In a way, he had expected her to be calm and rationale. Teyla just had that way of understanding things, that almost diplomatic way she tends to judge people and situations. But he had expected her to say something more about the kiss. What he didn't know. But, he wasn't expecting her complete dismissal of the kiss altogether. He even had a funny retort ready if she had questioned why he felt the need to only kiss her. He would have said, hey,_ although they are friends and team mates, he is still a normal male after all, and how can she expect him not to notice that she is a beautiful and attractive woman especially in the state he was in._ Well, maybe not funny, but that would have probably elicited a smile from her that he was sure of. He was given her a compliment after all. And it wasn't like he was given away any of his feelings - cause right now, he wasn't exactly sure what his feelings were. He knows he is no closer in knowing what hers are.

So, yes although he feels relieved that Teyla seem fine with what happened between them. There is a part of him that still feels a bit disappointed at her dismissal. So somewhere deep down, in that part of him that was blissfully unaware before, now knows the memory of that kiss, a kiss not to be spoken of, to be dismiss, a kiss that will still however leave a lasting imprint on him.

----

Teyla paused on the outside of the closed training room's door. She knows John is on the other side of the door, she lets her mask, shielding her emotions drop, the smile leaving her face for the moment. She is reflective for a moment. When she first saw John entering the training room moments before, she wasn't surprise by his appearance. She knew John would eventually seek her out to apologize for his behavior, so it was evitable they would have to talk about the kiss. After given it some thought these last few days, she knew she didn't want to have a long drawn out discussion about it. The kiss happened under unusual circumstances, where the Colonel, John wasn't exactly himself, so the less that was said and make about the incident the better cause there was no need to make things complicated, things were complicated enough and it wasn't just simply about her and John. Teyla looks back at the door once more, shaking her head, she turns and heads off to her quarters, smiling.

Finish

**Author thoughts**…I know I have wondered why the TPTB chose to end the scene with John and Teyla the way they did. So, this chapter I wanted to understand and touch on why I think Teyla did what she did. To me Teyla pretty much dictated that conversation between her and John in that last scene. That conversation accomplished nothing other than to leave things the status quo between them. I think there was a certain fear by Teyla. I don't think she was ready or John for that matter as to the why. I do think both of them were unnerved. For Teyla to let that convo go any further, to get to why John kiss her. She would have to look at why she responded to the kiss too in the beginning. And make no mistake Teyla did kiss John back. Would I have preferred that? Yes! But that is not what we got.


End file.
